Friday, July 14th, 2006

Happy Birthday!!

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, the legendary Mondavi Winery turns 40 this weekend. Mondavi has had a profound impact throughout the US and, as some would say, the world.
Side note – For those of you who haven’t seen MondoVino go out and rent it immediately and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
When Mondavi began, he made wines for kings, wines that were among the most elite in America.

In 1966, Robert G. Mondavi founded the Robert Mondavi Winery to create wines in California that belong in the company of the world's finest. Robert Mondavi Winery is located in the heart of Napa Valley, California. The first major winery built in Napa Valley in the post-Prohibition era, Robert Mondavi Winery helped establish the foundation for the modern-day California wine business. Its mission-style architecture, with the expansive archway and bell tower designed by Cliff May, has become an enduring landmark that evokes California's winemaking history.

Look at it like this, think of Mondavi as Britney Spears. Just stay with me kids. Don’t remember Britney as she is now, all redneck and gross being brought down by her joke of a husband, remember her in her early days of pop stardom with the school girl outfit and pigtails. Same with Mondavi. Don’t look at him as someone who sold his name and some would say his soul to turn Mondavi into an empire brought down by his two greedy sons. Think of him as the pioneer he once was who brought great fame to the Napa Valley!

With that being said, Cheers and Happy Birthday Mondavi Winery!!

(Ummm…did I just get away with comparing Robert Mondavi to Britney Spears and actually have it make sense???)


The Cat’s Meow

We all know about the marketing genius that made Yellow Tail the giant that it is today. In fact, it is one of the best selling wines in the world. So I want to discuss with you some other marketing that is impressive. The Hungarians came up with Hungarian Lesbians Young Girls Red that I discussed in an earlier post. But what could some Americans in New York State come up with for some Catawba grapes that were growing wild in their back yard? How could they make it sell? How could they make something so awful actually seem cool and get people to buy it? Well, Duplin you had better take notes. Hazlitt 1852 Winery has had the top selling wine in the state of New York this year and it wasn’t one of the Finger Lake Rieslings that are quite good. Hazlitt made a wine called Red Cat. While Red Cat doesn’t sound so impressive, it is truly the marketing that the Hazlitt Winery has come up with that makes it such an “eye opening” study. Here, let me just give you some quotes from Mr. Hazlitt himself.

“This cat is red and comes in a bottle.” Uh, okay…..tell me more.

“The wine's sweet taste, inexpensive price, sexual mystique and party reputation catapulted Red Cat to be No. 1-selling wine in New York.” Wait, did I hear you say sexual mystique??

"It's a wine that people aren't intimidated with," says John "J.F." Frederick, Hazlitt's special-events coordinator. "It's a wine you can have a lot of fun with."Legend has it that Red Cat is a catalyst for lust. The wine is nicknamed "HHJ" for "Hector Horny Juice" or "Hazlitt Horny Juice," depending on who's doing the nicknaming. That's why the wine's label features a smiling red cat soaking in a bubbling hot tub and holding a bottle of the wine. Look closely at the label on the bottle in the cat's paw and you'll see "HHJ." Are you sure that’s the answer you want to give man, cause I’ll let you rethink it if you must. Something about calling a wine horny juice kinda takes away the elegance don’t you think??

That categorical party reputation continues at the wine fest, where hundreds of bottles of the cat will be poured into glasses and mixed into Jell-O shots. Expect to see the Red Cat mascot pussyfooting about at tonight's toga party. And listen for the Red Cat Chant: "Red Cat. Red Cat. It's an aphrodisiac. Red Cat. Red Cat. It'll get you in the sack." Holy shit, I just pissed myself. This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, who in the hell came up with putting wine in a Jell-O shot??? Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m a booze hound at heart and I love me some lime flavored Jell-O shots with tequila (Aunt Christy - Holla!!) but for the love of all that’s holy man. Jell-O?? And don’t even get me started on that chant. An Ambien and a Jack and Coke will do the same thing but you don’t see me chanting about it.

Stories abound of the cat's aphrodisiac powers. Like the couple who visited the winery one year, bought a bottle of the cat and took it back to their hotel room. The next year they returned to the winery to show off pictures of their twins that were conceived that night of the cat. No, stop it! Seriously stop it. If you drink Red Cat you don’t deserve to procreate. Please, is there anything you can tell me about Red Cat (Keep in mind please that this is the number one selling wine in the state of NY) that doesn’t involve a sexual overtone?

Indeed. The semisweet cat has a fruity, grape flavor, 12 percent alcohol and sells for around $7 per 25.4-ounce bottle. "It's so cheap because Catawba grapes grow like weeds around here," John says. Red Cat goes great with chicken wings or anything you can pick up in your hands and eat - from pizza to hot dogs."When we make homemade spaghetti sauce, instead of adding sugar we add a half-bottle of Red Cat," John says. Mangia and meoooooow! I think that you alone have turned the French on us. Rule #1 in wine world – Never say cheap, say affordable. Rule #2 If your wine can be used as a substitute for sugar, it is a wine that should not be drunk. Dude, did you just meow like a cat?? LOL!!!

I swear to you kids, this is not made up. These are actual exerpts from an interview with this guy (I just added my own responses). When I started this blog I had NO idea I’d have this much material to deal with. Effing PRICELESS!!



Oopsie!

Beer exec Pete Coors confirmed today that he was arrested in May for a DUI. The Denver Post got word of the incident and published an article forcing Mr. Coors to make a statement.

"I made a mistake," Coors said in a prepared statement. "I should have planned ahead for a ride. For years, I've advocated the responsible use of our company's products. That's still my message, and our company's message, and it's the right message. I am sorry that I didn't follow it myself."

Courts confirmed that Mr. Coors was pulled over after he failed to stop completely at a stop light in his neighborhood. He was less than a block away from his house and he was pulled in his own driveway. D’oh!!! Sucks for you Mr. Coors. Well, at least your beer doesn’t suck – No wait, it DOES suck. Well at least you can go home and cry on a bag of money!


Trust me, they did you a favor!

A man in Sheboygan WI called police after he had 8 20 packs of Budweiser stolen from his garage.

Eight 20-packs of Budweiser were stolen from a garage at 3910 N. 48th St. Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, according to a sheriff's department report. The owner of the home, Wade C. Rickmeier, 52, told police he had purchased the beer for an upcoming vacation and left it next to a boat in an unlocked garage.

Note to self : Sheboygan is so boring that this story made headlines!

Three Sheets

I saw the funniest TV program I have seen in the longest time last night. It is called Three Sheets and it is on the INHD channel. You have to have the high def box from Time Warner to get this channel (or satellite) but if you have it you simply must watch it.
The host, Zane Lamprey, approaches alcohol like a segment you’d see on the Daily Show. Ironically the first episode I saw was on Champagne. Zane goes to Champagne school, tours the chalk caves, and visits a local champagne bar in which he practically makes this stuffy, uptight, Frenchman chug a glass of champagne after teaching him how to play quarters. He then proceeds to drink 10 flutes of champagne to see if it will give you a hangover. (Sounds like my kinda game) As silly as he is, the show is still educational and not too stuffy.

It is my new fave show! To give you an idea, here are some snipits from an interview with him….

Did you ever throw parties at your house that your parents didn't know about?I didn't throw parties at my parents house growing up. If I did, I would have been crucified. So, I threw parties at my friend's homes. To one party, I brought three chickens. The next day there were feathers and chicken droppings everywhere. Chickens really like to party. The chickens were not harmed, but the house was.

Growing up did you ever set anything on fire?I grew up having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), a label I eventually became proud of. If I had a dollar for the number of times I had something cooking on the stove, was distracted by something in the other room, and was startled by the smoke detector twenty minutes later, I could buy a year's supply of Ritalin.

Now, imagine this guy dealing with stuffy Frenchmen while getting drunk. Hysterical!!

I think it's going to be a low key weekend (for once). Maybe I can actually review some wines to post next week. Here's hoping!!

Cheers!